***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
