So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
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man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
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I have grass duct taped all over my body
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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