hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
