K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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