Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
