What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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