so that wasnt chicken after all
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
