Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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