Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
