her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
