is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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