You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
