haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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