Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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