You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
