I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich