Texts From Last Night

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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.

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  (803): Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning. http://tfl.nu/55ug
  Replies (12) Good night (4456) Bad night (988)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.

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  (937): There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich. http://tfl.nu/hmr5
  Replies (28) Good night (16625) Bad night (1414)
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  (831): View more from California

  It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics

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  (831): It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics http://tfl.nu/i199
  Replies (14) Good night (6385) Bad night (956)
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  (315): View more from New York

  thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.

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  (315): thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often. http://tfl.nu/bjyl
  Replies (25) Good night (3415) Bad night (2153)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.

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  (330): we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it. http://tfl.nu/vxbj
  Replies (3) Good night (601) Bad night (1999)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock

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  (856): Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock http://tfl.nu/vedt
  Replies (7) Good night (1328) Bad night (790)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning

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  (314): I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning http://tfl.nu/jesw
  Replies (1) Good night (775) Bad night (1035)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Life is too short to have fake orgasms.

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  (412): Life is too short to have fake orgasms. http://tfl.nu/1oh4
  Replies (14) Good night (2818) Bad night (549)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog

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  (775): I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog http://tfl.nu/px0v
  Replies (2) Good night (584) Bad night (446)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere

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  (312): She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere http://tfl.nu/ps2s
  Replies (1) Good night (458) Bad night (791)
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  (863): View more from Florida

  Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point

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  (863): Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point http://tfl.nu/nvoe
  Replies (7) Good night (833) Bad night (417)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Hamster emergency. Can u come in here

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  (330): Hamster emergency. Can u come in here http://tfl.nu/n98l
  Replies (8) Good night (375) Bad night (655)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.

  (1-859): View more from Kentucky

  I didn't get it..

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I'm sorry. But to the original question please.

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  (859): So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong. (1-859): I didn't get it.. (859): I'm sorry. But to the original question please. http://tfl.nu/67d3
  Replies (3) Good night (495) Bad night (825)
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  (716): View more from New York

  I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew

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  (716): I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew http://tfl.nu/lady
  Replies (4) Good night (1011) Bad night (269)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.

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  (+61): I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub. http://tfl.nu/lq2i
  Replies (1) Good night (188) Bad night (372)

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