it was like his penis was on wheels.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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