i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You made out with two different species that night
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months