Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
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you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
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You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.