She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
