Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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