my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
