Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
