my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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