But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
