It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
