there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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