So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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