Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
