You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
