that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I AM VODKA MAN
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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