my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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