also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
