he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
