make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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