I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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