FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
COCAINE IS GR8
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
