Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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