i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
