There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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