Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
