I'm going to jail i love you
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
