Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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