well you can't waste a boner
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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