Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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