ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
