took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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