She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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