I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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