he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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