Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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