hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
just tell him i said nine months
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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