I wish I could punch you in the face.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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