She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
you had me at cake vodka
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
