so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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