well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
