what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
