Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I believe in your delicious
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
