She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He did a backflip because drugs
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