Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
