i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
