do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
