The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
