so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
