About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
