Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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