im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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