dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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