Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
