I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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