It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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