life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
