He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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